don't know about luck, but I know the lack of it

i've let myself go. don't think i'm not aware of it.

i eat too much. i exercise too little. i haven't shaved in months. i smoke. i veg out.

and i sleep. a lot.

i should disgusted with myself. sadly, i really wasn't until just recently – thanks to the kindness of strangers. here's what happened:

i'm sitting in the living room, working on my laptop, when i decide that the smell from the trash in the kitchen is finally close to overwhelming. i grab the two black hefty bags from the kitchen floor, and make my way downstairs and out to the dumpster.

we used to dump our trash in a dumpster that was parked on the sidewalk just to the right of our building's front door. with the opening of a music venue right next door, the dumpster was moved about one-hundred yards back behind our building, out of sight. unknown to the residents of our building, the music venue took control of said dumpster, and built a large padlocked protective wooden fence around it.

unable to offload our trash, i trudge back around the front of our building, still schlepping the two bags. at the intersection out front, i weigh my options. do i head all the way to the dumpster behind the old adcenter building? do i toss the bags into the back of a passing pickup? maybe i could sneak the bags into morton's dumpster.

as i stood there making up my mind, a number of employees from the offices nearby come up and stand next to me waiting to cross the street. an older man in a suit takes a look at me, looks back at one of the women with him, then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a five-dollar bill, handing it to me with a smile.

"what's this for?" i ask.

"you look like you need it," he responds, still smiling. the confused look on my face threw him off a little, and the smile faded.

a little embarrassed, i look down and notice i'm wearing two different shoes. i've also got on my torn construction jeans, and a tshirt that was part of my escaped inmate halloween costume. to top it off, i hadn't showered yet. i couldn't help but let out a big laugh.

"thanks buddy, but i live right there," i said, pointing to my building. "i'm just taking out the trash."

in retrospect i probably should've taken his money. i also probably shouldn't have offered to suck him off for an extra twenty.