my cousin john: i had a dream i was hanging out with the jonas brothers last night.
me: oh really?
john: yea. they're in richmond tonight.
me: are they???
john: yes, right now. it started at 7, at the coliseum.
me: [expletive deleted] that noise.
john: i'd never heard any of their songs... until now. i'm listening to one.
me: you [expletive]. i don't know you anymore.
john: don't hate.
me: oh, i will hate. i will hate crime your ass.
john: this is really bad. this isn't even funny to pretend to like.
me: i know you'll start to like it and then listen to it constantly [like he did with meatloaf and britney spears and kenny rogers].
john: perhaps. i was listening to the scorps earlier.
me: i pray you didn't just refer to the scorpions as "the scorps."
john: come on, man. the scorps. i've been calling them that for a while.
me: i hate you.
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